I have no motivation for anything anymore

Every time I see other people's art, I'm super discouraged, and feel I'll never be superior (or even just as good) to them.

Anything I draw just doesn't look right, at all

I can't count how many times I've cried and cut myself over how terrible my artwork looks like

Any time I try an improve on anything, it also ends up looking weird and out of place.

nothing I do will ever get me out of this rut filled with disappointment, burnout, block, and emptiness.

Who do you go to next when all therapy hasn't worked out for you and you're super emotionally unstable?

Do you hate me for being sad? Should I be hated because I think nothing but sad thoughts for majority of the day? My parents literally neglect my mental health, the last time I went to therapy for the first time my dad forced me to sit down and talk with him about. It's so uncomfortable because he scares me. He even went as far as to call me stupid for cutting myself, but that was a while ago and I switched up to where I now inflict harm.

I was sent to the ER 2 weeks ago because my mom found me cutting, I had to practically beg her not to tell dad since he wasn't gonna be home for the entire week. I stayed there for a full 24 hours before they sent me home. They strongly suggested that my mom get me into therapy again. Guess what? She has yet to do so, so I feel like she doesn't care about my mental state either.

I can't wait to get out of this hellhole, I just want to be in a cheap apartment working full time as a chef with my girlfriend. I can start my medical process there, away and safe from my parents. I never want to speak with them again, especially my dad.

I'm currently working on a series about my main character's backstory, Ryu. I haven't been posting about it, but I did release the first two episodes, the first official episode and a dream sequence. I'm going to start posting about it when episodes are released. All of these will be made on Roblox Studio, because I do not have the time to fully animate or draw it out at this time.

Keep in mind that the series will touch upon topics like self harm, suicide, mental illness, and physical violence.

Here are the first two:

Episode one

Dream one

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